My husband’s cousin is getting married back east in April and we’re invited. Frankly, I don’t much care for his family and it will be a hassle and an expense for the four of us to travel for a weekend. My husband feels the same but insists we go so the kids can spend time with his parents. How about it, Libra. Should we just grin and bear it?
Like it or not, once you’re married, your husband’s family commitments are your family commitments, so get ready to say yes to the stress.
I wonder though why your husband couldn’t find a graceful way to bow out of the wedding and schedule another trip where the kids could spend quality time with the grandparents.
Still, if declining the invitation is going to inflame an already tense family situation, being polite and enjoying a catered meal isn’t the worst thing you’ll ever do.
Of course, chances are, the feeling is mutual and inviting you is just an empty gesture and they’re hoping you’ll decline.
Be that as it may, you’d feel awful if something happened to one of your husband’s parents before they got to see your kids again.
I wonder though if, by attending, you’d be obliged to attend all the other cousins’ weddings so you’re setting yourself up for years of having to attend these things or hurting someone’s feelings.
Even if that’s true, they’re grown-ups. They’ll just have to deal with it.
Hey, here’s a thought: Why not compromise and let your husband take the kids?
No never mind, then you come off as the mean, aloof bitch who’s too good for them.
But so what? Are you going to go through life trying to please other people? Do you really care if these losers spend half the reception gossiping about you and wondering what happened to that nice Jeannie girl your husband dated in high school?
Okay, so either all of you go or none of you go. But seriously, you’re going to take the kids out of school and fly with a stopover for a weekend and then get back on the plane on Sunday morning?
That’s a small inconvenience when it comes to family; they’re flesh and blood after all even if you have some issues with them. You really should be there to help them celebrate life’s cherished milestones.
But then you’re disrupting the whole week. There’s soccer and chorus and it means taking a day off work. And the money is not trivial. All for a wedding you don’t want to go to.
Sometimes though, Debby, it’s not all about you. Life is compromise and sacrifice and people do this day in day out without a thought. Your husband is counting on you.
But if there’s tension between you and the family why go and spoil someone’s special day just for some hypocritical show of family unity.
What I’m saying is, our life is defined by our choices. Will you spend it with people you can’t stand or will you stay sheltered forever in your comfort zone? Are you finally going to look beyond your petty differences and embrace the common humanity you share with these people or are you going to set boundaries and be good to yourself for once?
I know you’ll make the right choice.